For me, back pain started when I was just 18 years old. I never dreamt that 42 years on I'd still have it. This is my personal story and I am confident it will give you hope.

All those years ago I enjoyed all the normal teenage pursuits. My biggest love was dancing. Today this is still one of the things I miss the most and even compares to losing my job. Most other things I cannot now do have crept up gradually, usually noticed first by others, particularly loved ones.

At 18 I simply had a backache. Yet bad enough to need a week off work. After that, the ‘ache’ was always in the background and I seemed to be forever at the doctors. I began to feel they didn’t understand, maybe even disbelieved me? The remedy was painkillers, occasional heat treatment, and physiotherapy that bears no resemblance to that administered today.

At 34 I visited a Gynaecologist who asked me what was wrong when I had difficulty getting on the bed. "A slipped disc", I said. Automated words I’d been regurgitating for years with virtually no reaction. He however, listened. Soon after, an X-ray showed I had a small congenital deformity at the bottom of the spine, but insufficient to cause the excruciating pain I had been enduring.

There was also wear and tear, a prolapsed disc, and sciatica. By this time, bearing four children had made my back worse with each birth. Although my back was causing the pain, it manifested itself in aching knees and pains in my legs, mainly the right one.

Endless trips to the Orthopaedic consultant ensued. Epidural injections, hospital bed rest, and privately, every alternative therapy I could find.

I even wore a purpose made surgical corset, resembling something well-to-do ladies wore in yesteryear. The pain was relieved a little whilst wearing it but there was always the niggling thought that it may actually have been doing more harm than good, possibly even weakening the muscles because they come to depend on the support. Nothing however, worked long term.

The following 18 months were a blur, blocked out by pain. My marriage had failed and I was deeply concerned for my children. It still makes me cry today to I think of how many years they watched me lying on the sofa. They mention the helpless frustration of seeing me lying there with pain etched on my face. There was nothing they could do. Even writing it here makes me very emotional, having to recall so many horrible memories. But the brighter side did come - eventually!

It would take forever to pen the times the pain affected every day. Evenings out at the restaurant ruined because I just couldn't sit there. I guess I must be the world doggy bag champion. And the time my daughter came to see me in hospital, saying my knuckles were white because I was gripping the covers so much trying to relieve the pain. She had to leave in tears - only telling me now how sorry she is because she never realised how bad I really felt. How understanding would grow if people could only see pain.

1976 arrived. I could no longer dress myself properly or sit at a table. Every step I walked shuddered through my whole body. "I think you've suffered long enough", remarked the surgeon, and soon he was busy performing a laminectomy, a procedure to remove the disc. The pre op assessments are something that will haunt me forever although in my latter operations the tests increased the pain no more than already existed.

The laminectomy gave me considerable relief for about 10 years, which I understand is the average time (this may be different today). During that time I had managed to keep a brilliant job in the exhibition industry, which gave me the opportunity to travel. My lovely mum used to look after the children. I also met my now husband who is so supportive. He should be cloned and hired out.

Life seemed great for a while, then everything started to return - this time with more ferocity. I think it hurt more mentally than physically because I was really enjoying my life and tried desperately to overcome this new bout of pain. I would creep into work, bent in agony, eventually finding it impossible to concentrate.

Fortunately, I have been blessed with inner strength and willpower that disallows me to give up hope.

In 1986 went in hospital for a Spinal Fusion full of optimism for a pain free future. Post-op, they said it was technically a success, whatever that means. Alas, I had a bad recovery and never really benefited from that operation. Perhaps I had expected too much.

Being a glutton for punishment I soon returned to working full-time and of course the back problems increased. With hindsight, I think I was lucky to work as long as I did. These days, when I'm trying to relax I can easily recall those very special times when life was full.

In 1992 I was again fighting desperately with what seemed inevitable. Then the 'miracle' arrived. We heard about a surgeon in the private sector who performed posterior/anterior fusions. I couldn't wait to see him; I limped into his surgery clutching my entire x-ray collection.

After further tests he said his operation would give me 88% relief. How could I refuse? Piles of research later, we accepted that the £25,000 for the operation was justified. My husband re-mortgaged the house. It didn't seem that much of a gamble, I had a good job and we could easily repay it. After all I'd be back at work in 3 months and 88% healthier.

I was ecstatic after the operation. It was a very emotional time. I phoned my husband at 6.30 in the morning to say I was out of pain, we both cried. Of course I was heavily sedated - it didn't last long. Next, I was fitted for a back corset which I had to wear all the time (except in bed). For the six months I wore the corset I felt quite good. Then it returned yet again - first the legs and then the back. Our incredibly costly gamble had not paid off.

Sadly, I lost my job. Probably for the first time in my life I became depressed and was close to a nervous breakdown. Around this time I read an article in 'TALKBACK', magazine, about a man had been on a Pain Management Programme and how it changed his life. What I didn't know was if it could change mine. The Programme was carried out at the Ladywell Hospital, Manchester. I live in Surrey. At that time, Ladywell was the only U.K. hospital specialising in back pain management. Both a consultant's referral and G.P's support were required, as they needed a full medical history. I was turned down at first over funding. Undeterred, I wrote to my local MP who did precisely nothing. Through sheer persistence however, I eventually secured a place.

Pain Management is a multidisciplinary approach to pain. I had to attend as an in-patient for three weeks.

Being at the hospital with 10 other back pain sufferers and having the freedom to express your feelings was better than any drug. As kindred spirits, we made friends easily and one remains a very close friend today, albeit living far from me.

The programme itself involves talks with doctors, pacing, psychology, relaxation and physiotherapy, which teaches a structured exercise routine. Candidates are well screened before being accepted so no further harm can come from the treatment. You leave with the knowledge of learning to live with pain by different rules. It isn't easy, takes at least three months before you feel any benefit, but it's worth all the effort. There is life after back pain, although you have to want it enough to change.

As I was leaving Manchester, I asked if there was a video/dvd - it seemed the natural thing to leave with. There wasn't one. Suddenly full of hope and inspiration, not to mention the big gap in my life, I decided to change that. With the help of my film-maker brother Doug, I decided to produce my own. Of course it wasn't anything like as easy as it sounds, taking heaps of research and for me increased suffering. One year from conception, we saw the finished video/dvd in its little box. I'm very sincere when I say I love it - there is so much warmth, and empathy that one could never doubt its honesty. I have a thousand happy memories from producing 'Fighting Back' and if I do nothing else I know that I have realised a dream. Most of all, I can offer hope to others.

It's now the year 2000 and the rest as they say, is history - and yes, I'm still Fighting Back.